Day Twenty Six - Home Again

I don’t know what was more exciting for us - to be back on US soil in NY (Sherri said she was going to kiss the customs’ officer) or to be back at home, but I don’t think we’ve ever been happier to get home. We had missed Max terribly, and despite the excellent care he was getting from Aunt Lori and Lydia, it was clear that he was really missing us too.

There is so much to get done while Sherri is here this week - finalizing day care plans for Peter, getting his room set up, thanking friends and family who have gone way above the call of duty in helping with Max in our absence - we could go on, but won’t. Sherri flies back to Kyiv on Sunday morning to complete the adoption for us. We’re hopeful that the rest of the process will go smoothly and she and Peter will be home by mid-October. Given all of the other things she will be lugging back to Kyiv, she won’t be taking the computer, so our blog, unfortunately, will be less frequently updated.

We want to thank all of our friends and family for the amazing encouragement and support each of you have provided through our journey. The saying that the best things in life are those that you have to wait for seems so true these days. We feel very blessed to have found Peter and look forward to bringing him home to complete our family!

Day Twenty Five - Our Day In Court

Friday the 19th was our day to be in court to petition to adopt Peter. Our court appointment wasn’t until 3:30 pm, so the morning was spent running errands to the notary (our new best friend) and saying a temporary goodbye to Peter. If all at court went well, as we expected it to, we would have a mandatory 10 day waiting period before the court’s decision would be final and we could move forward with the adoption paperwork. We had decided that despite the cost, we both were eager to come home, even if it was for just a few days to see Max.

So the question we were left with was how would we explain to Peter that we were going home to get things ready for him, and that I (Sherri) would be back in just a few days to get him. Ten days is a long time for a 3 year old! So we decided to appeal to his sugar tooth and organized a plan with his caregivers that they would carve out some one on one time each day while we were gone to let him look through the family picture book that we had created for him. We asked them to seal the conversation with a piece of candy reminding him that Mama would be back for him in a few days. Hopefully our plan will work. When Viktoria, our facilitator, sat down with us to try to explain the situation to Peter it was clear he had some level of understanding. His playful smile became serious and quite. Although it was hard to watch at the moment, his response was another good sign - a sign that he wasn’t ready for us to leave him.

Court was brief - only 30 minutes, with 10 of that being translation. The judge left us with a comment of “love him and educate him” - something that sounds so understood in our society, but is not always a given in life. We hopped the 4 ½ hour van ride from Rivne to Kyiv late in the afternoon, and on Saturday morning we caught our flight back to Nashville. Our travel time was about 24 hours from Kyiv to Nashville!

Day Twenty Three – Go Viktoria!

Well, last night Viktoria provided good news about our paperwork – with one exception. The Rivne administrative offices are so unaccustomed to dealing with adoptions by foreign parents that they were insisting that we both return after the 10 day waiting period following our court appearance. In most parts of Ukraine, only one parent is required to be present after the court day. We put the pressure on Viktoria to work her magic today and convince the administrative checkpoints that having only one parent here after our court date would be OK.

It worked! The 'gifts' required to make it happen were substantial, but we're pleased. There are still more ways than we understand (and there are many ways that we do understand) for the plan to be fouled, but we're aiming to come home during the 10 day waiting period after our court appointment on the 19th. Then, depending on the progress of the paperwork in Kyiv and Rivne, either Todd or Sherri (but not both – woo-hoo!) will return to Ukraine on or about the 29^th and continue the process which should take about another two weeks. Any volunteers who are willing to exchange free airfare for help on the plane ride home, please email us.

Today's visit to Peter's orphanage as a real wake-up call. There are a number of new children in his class and a couple of them are particularly heart-breaking. One new child repeatedly cried over and over – for two hours – 'papa', trying to get Todd's attention. When Todd took the child to the window (the objective of all the pleading), all he said was 'mama' while pointing out the window. Clearly his mother had dropped him off at the orphanage over the past couple of days—heartbreaking to us as this child will now not be adoptable for another 1 ½ years at the earliest—and that is only if the mother has given up her rights.

A second child was delivered to the class while we were there this afternoon by his mother, complete with a small bag of special belongings. That child cried most of the afternoon as well - and understandably. It was heartbreaking to imagine what those children will go through over the next few weeks as they try to adjust to their new life. The caregivers in Peter's class are good, but their goal is to incorporate these children in the daily group schedule as quickly as possible, so there was no consoling beyond giving the child a piece of candy and a stuffed animal. Needless to say, Sherri did her best to provide some mothering comfort by holding them and trying to play with them a bit. Quite an emotional day. Sadly, the more senior members of the class like Peter treated the situation as normalcy, and largely ignored the children. It's a real reminder about why these children have such a difficult time truly attaching to people—despite the best efforts of their caregivers they are taught to be survivors.

When we arrived this afternoon, one of Peter's caregiver (Elissa) mentioned that Peter had asked when 'mama and papa' were coming. Peter's interest in us is very heartwarming, but we worry a bit about how he will perceive our 10-day absence. We will leave behind a picture book that he seems to love filled with pictures of us and immediate family. Peter loves to look through the pictures and has started to identify family members. It seems a treat for all of the children to see themselves in pictures! That will be a small gift that we are planning to leave them with—pictures that are at their level and probably laminated so the caregivers will allow them to examine them whenever they want. Given the little bit of history most of these children can touch and see, it seems a simple, but meaningful thing to leave them with.

As you can probably tell, our affection for Peter's classmates is growing each day—good thing our dossier limits how many little ones we can bring home—we see potential in each of them.

Day Twenty Two - Olympics 2020, Here We Come!

Another 'regular' day. Peter demonstrated his gymnastic skills again - today we saw him on the parallel bars! His caregivers continue to reinforce that he's meant to be gymnast. This doesn't bode well for some of our childproofing plans at home.

Since it's raining again, we were inside and visited a new (to us) room full of giant exercise balls, trikes and other energy-burning tools. But Peter also surprised us with his interest and patience in assembling a toy car with one of his caregivers. We're starting to see more clear signs of his personality—he likes order and organization, he is a picky eater, he has a stubborn streak and if he is interested in something like putting the car together he can be incredibly patient—sounds a bit like his big brother, Max.

After play time, we were back in Peter's room and one of the caregivers came by with a plate full of snacks for the kids. It looked like peeled apples, but turned out to be raw onion. And believe it or not, most of the kids liked it and had seconds! As Todd and I prepared to leave Peter at lunch time, we received our gift of the day from him. We told him goodbye to which he responded “no bye bye.” That was the first time he made it verbally clear that he didn't want us to go, so maybe the attachment is beginning—a big step forward for us.

Viktoria is due back in Rivne at 20.30 tonight and we'll have some paperwork to do once she arrives. Until then, I (Todd) am working on a grant application and Sherri is saving her energy for the activities later this week that, we hope, will conclude with a successful court visit on Friday.

Day Twenty One – In The Ukrainian Groove

A quiet day – we visited Peter in the morning and arrived just as he was leaving by car with his 'groupa' for activities unknown. We let them go and stayed long enough for them to return. We took a short walk together and left before lunch.

The afternoon was disrupted because Todd participated in a conference call (by Skype!) and Sherri visited with Peter for a second time today. She discovered two new things about riding the bus—first, you must have small bills to pay your fare or it can be a problem, and second, it is perfectly acceptable for your bus driver to stop for a Kbas (an alcoholic drink made from fermented bread) if he gets thirsty. We finished the day with new dining experiences, some positive (Todd's herring) and most neutral (Todd's rice and Sherri's mushroom soup and grilled veggies).

We have been wondering about the adoptability of some of Peter's classmates – most seem quite attractive in terms of both health and social activities. Well, we learned today that the only girl in Peter's class - who is just a delightful child – has a eighteen year old mother. The mother visits just twice a year, but says she intends to recover her daughter at a future point when she is capable of providing full time care. We are pleased to learn that at least one of these children seem likely to be reunited with their birth mothers.

We have developed some names for Peter's classmates. Ivan is 'the boss' – he is very engaging and manipulative. He understands the adoption process and continues to attempt to win our attention But, he's a tyrant when he doesn't get what he wants – just like a bad boss. Another classmate is 'the singer'. He was recently one half of a duo, but his singing partner was adopted last week by a Ukrainian family. Sherri reports that, during music class today, 'the singer' performed solo without his adopted partner.

We are planning tomorrow to buy the orphanage a lawnmower as a gift – something the overgrown, mosquito-filled location can really use. It was their request, not our recommendation, but we're happy to provide something of real value to everyone at the orphanage.

Our Ukrainian pantomime is getting better – this morning, Todd was able to convince the hotel 'floor mother' to wash our clothes today. She said that they would not be ready until tomorrow, but when we came home from dinner, we returned to quite the animated discussion. The clothes were ready! Clean, but still damp – a huge bag (about a week's worth of dirty clothes for two people) for 20 UAH (that's about $4) – what a deal!

Day Twenty — More Pictures

Not much to report from here. We visited Peter and had fun this morning. We also navigated the time difference and the internet cafe to have a video chat with Max (Thanks, Anita and Duco!) - we were all missing the 'face-to-face' talk since we lost our ability to connect to the internet from our hotel when we moved to Rivne.

So, a couple of new pictures of Peter. These were both taken a couple of days ago during his 'falling leaves' music class.

Day Nineteen – Canadians, Foot Races And Flying Solo

We now feel like grizzled veterans in Rivne when four Canadian couples showed up at the hotel cafe for breakfast. We were able to give them some dining advice and let them borrow our food-in-pictures cheat sheet. They were attempting to reconnect with family unseen for many years and were very appreciative of the point-to-order strategy.

Our trip to visit Peter was quite interesting. Normally, this is a 30 minute taxibus ride without an exchange – super easy. But today, there was a foot race and the main road was closed. The multiple detours – as our driver tried to find a way around – led us to see some new parts of Rivne. The back roads were clogged with taxibuses and it took more than an hour to get there. All this disruption for a race that appeared to have five runners.

But our time with Peter today was great and we stayed long enough (since we arrived late) to see the start of lunch – chicken soup just like my (Todd's) grandmother used to make every Sunday. There were two new additions to Peter's class today taking the spots of the two little boys who were adopted by Ukrainian families. More boys—I (Sherri) was hoping that at least one of the new children would be a little girl to provide some companionship for the solitary girl currently in the class. Today we saw the first of the orphanage's winter wear. To say the outfits they put on the boys would challenge most men's manlihood is putting it lightly. When we arrived they were all running around indoors in little girl's winter tights. Peter's were bright purple and decorated with flowers. As he did his gymnastics bouts across the room, it was all he could do to keep them on.

Fortunately, the foot race was over when we returned to the center of Rivne and traffic was flowing at its normally chaotic pace. We hit the internet after lunch to get some work done and then to the market to pick up a few snacks. We haven't said too much about the interesting things you find here at their grocery stores and on their menus, so maybe I'll share a few popular items to give you a sneak peak into Ukrainian cuisine. First of all, they are meat lovers! Everything comes with meat—they even have ham flavored potato chips. Salo, aka pork fat, is a favorite snack and adorns many of their meals. How does hen stomach sound? Or maybe some good old boiled tongue. Who knows, maybe I'm missing out, but I'll pass for now. Todd is doing his best to embrace the local fare—he actually really enjoyed the crab flavored potato chips and black sea shrimp!

Today was cold – about 10C/50F, overcast and spitting drizzle. The forecast is the same for the next few days – the cold helps minimize laundry, but we're barely prepared for this type of weather.

Tomorrow's plan is the same as today's – Peter in the morning and internet in the afternoon. Viktoria is in Kyiv until Tuesday evening, so we're flying solo in Rivne until then.